To the Snow
by Tala Mitena
Summary: Sora's life lies before him, mapped out perfectly according to his parents' plans. But one action, one whispered word, could tear the map out of his hands and leave him in the wilds of the unknown. Abandoned Project.
1. Into Our Winter

Author's Note: So here it is: My gift-fic for "Heart Br0ken" who was the writer of _The Face on the Soda Bottle Label_'s 450th review!! She requested some Kairi/Sora that morphed into Riku/Sora, with a side of Zexion/Demyx. So, voi-la! I'd promised the winner of this gift that they would recieve a one-shot featuring their choice of pairing, etc...but somehow this turned into a little mini-fic and will actually have multiple chapters...Oops. Oh well, I'm sure she doesn't mind. So, a great big wonderful "Thank you!!" to Heart Br0ken and I hope you enjoy your little present!

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To the Snow

_Part One: "Into Our Winter"_

He hated the way she picked at her fingernails, flaking off thin layers until they were jagged and brittle. He hated her bright amethyst eyes, and the way they shone at him so happily. And blinking? He despised the way she blinked. She fluttered her lashes far too quickly, and coated them with just a bit too much mascara, which unfortunately gave the illusion that two little epileptic spiders had perched on either side of her nose. The way she spoke even annoyed him. Her voice was just a pitch too high, just a shade too nasily. But what he hated most of all, was the way she cocked her head to one side and smiled when she told him she loved him.

Well, no. Now that he thought about it, there was maybe one thing he hated more than that. He _really_ hated the way it made his heart swell with joy as he smiled and returned the sentiment. In short, the only thing Sora hated more than Kairi, was how much he loved her.

He thought he would go insane, nitpicking and grinding his teeth at every teeny, tiny thing she said and did...until she was quiet and still, curled at his side, head resting in the crook of his arm as they fell asleep on her couch. Then, he felt as if she were _right_.

She fit with him perfectly, and being with her at those times _felt_ perfect. It was such bliss, such harmony, the way they played off each other. Yet when she stirred, was up and off again, Sora would notice the small space inside him that wasn't quite reached by his love for her. It came close, snuggled right up to the rest of him and was content to bask in a happiness not its own; but when she left, when most of him became painfully empty, that small piece of him flared with jealousy, before dying out swiftly and guffawing in joy at her absence. When Kairi was gone, that untouched piece of him took reign over all else, and all he could see was fault.

It was almost enough for him, loving her. It was not quite enough, though, and Sora was far from willing to settle.

Kairi had her heart set on marriage, he knew. They'd been together for years now, and she'd recently started dropping hints. He was almost tempted to propose, in truth. He was not quite tempted, though. Yet, at the same time, he felt a pressing almost-need to get it all done with, to marry the girl and live the rest of his life raising her - their - children and take over the family business. He wanted nothing more than to be rid of her and make his own way in the world, but the prospect of stopping her subtle comments on how that gown she bought would look lovely in white, or her gushing about the gorgeous the ring she saw at Harrod's the other day, was tempting.

However, what truly motivated Sora to near proposal was that he was terrified that if he left Kairi, it wouldn't be just that tiny, barely noticable corner of him that was bereft of love. He wanted, needed, all of his heart to be filled, but he was also aware that, maybe, not everyone was lucky enough for that.

Zexion and Demyx were. Well, Demyx was anyway. Sora could tell by watching his face when he was with Zexion. The blond positively lit up. With Zexion, it was more difficult. He had never displayed much emotion, not in front of Sora at least. The brunette wasn't actually even sure that he and Demyx were a real couple. He just guessed they were, from Demyx's mannerisms.

Zexion had a brother. Four, actually; each one graced with the same tall, svelte build, moonlight hair, and bright sea green eyes set in delicate, almost feminine features. Sephiroth, the eldest, a bit more muscular in frame with a sharp, business-honed mind, was emperor of the Higure corporate nation. Zexion was sure to follow in his footsteps, his mind -and tongue - just as cutting and ruthlessly determined. The triplets, however, seemed to be drifting in a world of their own, living off of Mommy and Daddy's good graces and not seeming to care for any other lifestyle.

Kadaj appeared to be their ringleader, but Sora was of the distinct impression that this position was actually held by Yazoo. He seemed to guide Kadaj gently away from insanity, while keeping the third, Loz, emotionally anchored. The more stable two were almost always silent, speaking only when it seemed that Kadaj would not be angered. Sora was extremely frightened by the concept of being around him when Yazoo was not in tow.

And then, there was the brother Sora had not yet met. The youngest sibling, seconded by Zexion himself, seemed to be the most enigmatic of the lot, constantly missing from family parties and business functions. Kairi and Sora attended most of these events, being good friends of Demyx, and having longstanding family and business connections with Sephiroth's associate, Cloud Strife.

But tonight was the Missing Brother's birthday, and so Sora sat outside the bedroom of Kairi's grand apartment, waiting for her to seek his approval - or lack thereof - of yet another possible gown for the evening's gala. He decided that he would pretend to adore her next choice, and then they could be off. They were already an hour late, and he was anxious to meet this mysterious Higure, for reasons he couldn't quite decipher.

Kairi DeNuovanni stepped out of her large, lavishly decorated bedroom with a pleased air, and Sora's anxiety waned a little. The DeNuovanni family was rumored to have led a comparatively recent artistic renaissance, and had used this gossip to gather a rather impressive collection, most of which was leased to museums for an even more impressive fee. So Sora wasn't the least bit surprised when she appeared in a low-cut gown of fine coppery silk, her hair curled into loose ringlets and pulled back from her face, with a topaz and diamond necklace framing her slender neck.

"What do you think?" she asked, affixing bright, sparkling diamond earrings to her delicate lobes and smiling expectantly at him. Sighing to himself and nodding to her, Sora stood from his seat on the Italian leather couch. He didn't bother to smooth out the wrinkles that had formed on his simple, relatively inexpensive suit. "I wish you'd do something with your hair," Kairi continued, "or at least put on a tie."

As she spoke she crossed to him, pushing stray chocolate locks out of his face and frowning slightly before placing a tender kiss on his cheek. Sora fought the urge to wipe it away, but succumbed most willingly to running a hand through his hair to return it to its former, unruly, spiky state. Kairi frowned again and turned to walk out the door and head down to the limousine waiting to take them to the Higures' party.

He followed, remaining two or three paces behind her, sensing her disappointment and choosing to ignore it. She stopped by the door to the limo and turned on her heel, smiling bittersweetly, waiting. Reluctantly, he stepped forward and opened the door for her. Her eyes danced gratefully as she slid inside, carefully gathering the skirt of her dress and artfully rearranging the folds as she took her seat.

They were silent for a long while, Sora staring blankly out the window, and Kairi staring in turn, at him. Her hand waited near his thigh, palm upturned longingly. When her fingers twitched ever so slightly some minutes later, his bright blue eyes slid towards the pale, slender thing. She saw him. Her gaze locked on his, following it to her hand. He did nothing; just watched as her fingers curled inwards, the delicate hand forming a limp, sorry fist. It wasn't anger that clenched her, and it wasn't disappointment. It was much deeper, a sorrow that swirled through the air around her and knocked against his own, indifferent aura with a clanking, silent sigh.

"Cloud and Aerith are engaged now," she whispered, her tone suggesting that even she recognized it as a pathetic attempt to draw some sort of confirmation of their relationship from Sora. If he answered in this way, she would smile and turn away and be content for the rest of the ride. If he answered that way, she would frown, and turn away, and silently fume – perhaps even cry. He didn't exactly approve of either scenario, so he just shrugged, shook his head like a waking child, and plastered on a small smile, feigning coming out of some daydream.

She took neither of the predetermined courses, which helped him relax a little, and instead turned her attention straight ahead and continued with an explanation of how and when Cloud had proposed, how it hadn't officially been announced yet, and how Aerith had asked her to be a bridesmaid and she had a sneaking suspicion that the position of Maid of Honor was being reserved for Tifa. When Sora appeared confused by this, Kairi insisted it was sweet, a show of goodwill, or some other such bullshit. He secretly scoffed, thinking that Tifa had been a much better match for Cloud than this Aerith. The woman was infallibly kind, yes, but she was too calm, too complacent.

His mind took another course then, wondering if the engagement would be announced tonight. Would it be appropriate to do so at the Higure's birthday event? Was it even really necessary to formally announce an engagement? If he proposed to Kairi, she'd probably want to. There would be a grand party. Her family would say it was to show off their new collection, and would decorate the entire ballroom with new paintings, and halfway through the night, he'd stand up and clink his fork against his wine glass. His hair would be combed back, his tux ironed and his tie tied, and he would look down at her, hold her hand, and smile as he announced the beginning of their new life together and...the end of everything he'd ever wished for.

"Sora?" Kairi's voice was thin and worried as she called to her boyfriend. He was surprised to hear it coming from his right; she'd been sitting on his left hadn't she? They were no longer moving though, and Kairi was no longer sitting, but was standing on the sidewalk, next to the chauffeur, an intriguing little pout puckering her lips. Behind her, passersby paused and murmured, some craning their necks to peek around her, visibly disappointed when they didn't recognize him.

"Sora, are you alright?" she asked again, delicate brows drawing together. The chauffeur politely pretended not to be listening. Blinking slowly, Sora nodded noncommittally. As he slid out of the limousine, Kairi snuck her hand into his, her grip tightening desperately when his fingers failed to curl into hers. The street walkers watched with mild curiosity, parting to make way for the finely dressed couple despite not recognizing them. The brunette was sure he could feel countless eyes trace the path to his limp, disinterested hand. He could hear the buzzing of their minds as they wondered, speculated about him and his girlfriend. Back stories and explanations, intricate plays of lies and thin facts, were woven in their minds before they grew bored and returned to their own dull lives. They consoled their unglamorous selves with thoughts of how much more solid their world was, and Sora envied them this comfort.

But his world - this fortress of business deals and bank accounts, of suits and ties, of silk and hairspray and fake smiles - was far less whimsical than the public believed. It was just as solid as the ground beneath his feet, and he wished both would crumble away so he could just fall. He didn't want to be what his parents were, didn't want to live in a mansion with a woman he did not love completely. That world would not fall away. That world was something one was born into and could not leave so easily. Because this world, Sora's world, did not teach you to fight, to stand up and take hold of your dreams. Theirs did. They could bite and kick and scratch and snarl their way to the lives they longed for. Sora couldn't. He didn't know how.

Suddenly, Sora felt sick, and angry. He didn't want to meet the mysterious brother any more, because in that very moment, he realized something. The Higures were the epitome of the world he felt so trapped in. And if he had to meet just one more wealthy business guru, just one more snobbish art collector whose family robbed artists blind and drank themselves dead on the resulting profits, he was sure he would scream.

Kairi felt him pull against her grip as she stepped forward and he failed to do the same. With a small, indignant snort, she whirled around to glare at him. "Please don't make a scene, Sora. Not again." He'd gotten that look on his face, he knew now, and she was terrified that he'd embarrass her again. He couldn't really blame her.

As the door to the gallery that was now the site of another city-slicker's caviar and champagne celebration, a few of the couples near the entrance turned to watch their most recent companions. Most turned away when they saw Kairi and Sora, attention once again caught by the thin glimmer of attraction hanging between them.

_Do we look like that?_ Sora wondered to himself, seeing the scattered couples as one rolled their eyes and the other watched their partner with hooded gaze. He knew that he and Kairi were not perfect, and he did _not_ want them to be, but neither did he want to be an empty little shell of a relationship.

"You should go congratulate Aerith, Sora," Kairi murmured to him through a fake smile, her hand lifting in a slight, trilling wave directed at some not-so-familiar face in the crowd. "It would be rude not to, considering your connections with Cloud's family."

Sighing, exasperated, Sora scanned the room for the blond, his longtime friend being found in his usual place at Sephiroth's side. The two had been nearly inseparable for years, and Sora had often thought that it was this that had put so much strain on Cloud's relationship with Tifa. But Aerith...she seemed to be oblivious to strain of any sort. For her, it seemed, the world was all flowers and fresh air. It wasn't just her temperament that created this illusion, though. She'd clearly been sheltered in a careful, delicate little place far away from anything resembling reality. They all had, really.

Someone tapped gently on his shoulder, requesting to borrow Kairi for a moment. He nodded a little too gratefully and amethyst eyes followed him, brimming with sorrow, as he stepped through the crowd to find Cloud. As soon as his feet landed next to the great, silver haired figure between them, the blond slipped away, a strong arm snaking around the slender waist of a tall, long-legged brunette as they sashayed through the throngs of people. Sora looked away almost immediately, afraid of the expression he would find on Sephiroth's face. Just as he had glimpses of Zexion's feelings for Demyx, Sora had found small clues as to just how close to his heart the eldest Higure held Cloud. Would he one day watch someone walk away from him and feel his life sink away just as Sephiroth surely did now? If so, would that someone be Kairi?

"So," he whispered, clearing his throat awkwardly and waiting for Sephiroth's cold gaze to meet his own, "where's the birthday boy?" He'd lost all interest in meeting this person now, but it was the only thing he could think of to say, that wasn't an apology.

"Somewhere," the business lord replied calmly, voice and actions smooth as ever as his shoulders rose and fell gracefully. "Zexion left with Demyx some time ago. He got tired of waiting around for Riku."

Riku Higure, eh? Sora quirked his eyebrows in interest. Riku was a girl's name, wasn't it? Not that he was one to talk...

"And the triplets?" he asked, focusing on a painting across the way and trying desperately to keep the conversation going for some reason he just couldn't find.

Sephiroth stiffened visibly, coughing and turning his head to one side. "They're...unavailable tonight," he answered shortly. His tone was impersonal and professional, as if he'd rehearsed the line thousands of times. With that, he excused himself and was gone, and Sora was alone.

There was a piano playing a light, conversational tune somewhere in the room, and the chatter of the other couples was dimmed to a low hum and the occasional twinkle of a lady's laughter. He was alone, and for a moment he thought to be happy about it. For the first time in what seemed like months there was no one around. Kairi was somewhere else, and his thoughts emptied themselves of her...until a little combination of notes were struck on the chords of the piano and his mind jumped instantly to her smile. His happiness faded, and his heart – his whole heart – ached with a dull, curious pain.

What exactly was it that kept her from loving - _really_ loving - her?

"You look like you could use one of these," a smooth voice crooned, punctuated with the lullaby falling of a rich laugh. A cool glass of champagne was pressed into his hand, his fingers brushing with those of the stranger. Sora nodded gratefully, scoffing, and threw the drink back, relishing the tingling feeling of it as it slid down his throat.

"I could use a few, actually. Thanks," he murmured and another glass soon found its way to his grasp. Deciding it was probably best to see just who he was accepting alcohol from, he turned to examine his savior. His eyes found companions, shining like bright jewels and laughing at him silently. They were an astonishingly clear turquoise, caught perfectly between blue and green; leaning to neither side, quite unlike those of his brothers. This man's moonlight hair fell around his face in an elegant disarray, nearly hiding the sharp, alluring lines of his cheekbones and the taunting curve of his soft pink lips. As Sora surveyed him, the youngest Higure took a step closer, the heat of his body colliding almost painfully with Sora's senses.

"You must be Riku," he stated lamely, "Happy birthday."

"I am, and thank you," Riku murmured warmly, smiling down at Sora for a few, excruciatingly silent moments before remembering himself. "I'm sorry, but I've no idea who you are," he said laughingly, tossing his head and sending rays of silver floating through the air to settle around his shoulders and in the dip of his collar bone, which peeked out of the simple, black button-up shirt he wore.

"Sora," the brunette replied, meeting Riku's reaching hand with his own.

"Ah, so _you're_ Sora," he drawled, the soft sigh of his voice as he held out the final syllable of his companion's name ghosting deliciously over the length of Sora's spine. "I've heard Demyx talk about you a few times, and Cloud a little more often."

Smiling shakily, Sora nodded. He'd always found himself somewhat attracted to certain members of the same sex, but – despite the similarities in the Higure brothers' appearances – he hadn't been prepared for anything like this breath-grabbing, knee-rattling reaction to Riku. There was just_something_ about him, the way he stood so close without ever having met Sora before, the way his eyes followed Sora's every movement, the way he spoke, even. It was all dripping with a raw, confident sensuality that Sora wasn't quite sure Riku himself noticed. He couldn't, Sora decided, considering how natural it seemed to be. No one could pull that off while realizing what they were doing, he was sure of this.

"I hear you've got a pretty little almost-fiancée in tow. Is she nearby? I'd like to meet her," Riku continued, craning his neck to search the surrounding area for anyone that might resemble his idea of Sora's 'type'. "Word is you've snagged a DeNuovanni, and I'd _love_ to have a few words with one of them."

This last statement was nearly hissed, spoken through clenched teeth and with a considerable dose of venom. Sora blinked at it, before turning away from Riku and scoffing, tilting his champagne glass back towards his mouth. "I've snagged her alright," he muttered to himself.

"I see," Riku spoke, one eyebrow arching sharply, "You don't sound too happy about that." Sora looked up at this, his own brows furrowing together. He'd barely noticed that he'd spoken his last thought aloud. And now, Riku was staring down at him, his smile melting away into a sympathetic little curve of a near-pout, and his eyes practically pleading with Sora. They were tilted towards the brunette earnestly, pushing at him, begging him to go on.

Sora shook his head, reaching for another glass of champagne and finding it already on its way, courtesy of the wondrous silver-haired man next to him. "I don't even know you," he explained shortly.

"Nonsense; you know me just as well as you know any of my brothers," Riku muttered bitterly, throwing back the last of his champagne and reaching behind him to grab a replacement from the bar there.

"Nonsense," Sora returned mockingly. Then, more seriously, "It's not like the five of you are all the same person or anything."

"Everyone else seems to think so."

"I don't even know your brothers that well, anyway. Barely even met most of them."

"You seem to be fairly close to Sephiroth," here, Riku's smile was replaced with a newer, more brilliant one as he leaned close and peered into Sora's face, the corners of his eyes wrinkling ever so slightly in concentration. "Except you think he's in love with Cloud, don't you?"

Sora's blush answered Riku's question perfectly.

"You're not the only one, believe me. But, contrary to popular belief, he's not. Seph's way too absorbed in the business to notice such trifling things as sex and love," he leaned backwards as he spoke, elbows resting on the edge of the bar and legs stretched in front of him, folded at the ankle. Sora took an involuntary step closer, then convinced himself that Riku's voice had dropped to a whisper and he had to be closer in order to hear. "Yazoo and Loz are too busy worrying about Kadaj, and Kadaj barely even realizes that there are more people than the three of them in this world." Riku's voice had indeed lowered, his tone directed more inward than out now.

"And Zexion?" Sora asked, not able to stop himself from indulging in his curiosity.

His silver-haired acquaintance gave a short laugh and lifted his free hand to drag it through his long locks absentmindedly. "No one has any idea what's going on with him. He seems to be interested in that Demyx, but we're not quite sure just what his intentions are."

"You're not expecting him to make an honest woman out of Demyx any time soon, then?"

Another, more appreciative laugh followed Sora's comment, falling through the air crisp and clean as rain. "No, no time soon we're afraid." Riku turned and lifted himself away from the bar then, setting his glass on the surface and again pulling a hand through his hair, pushing the foremost strands away from his face and revealing his brilliant gaze in full. Again, Sora stepped closer, his action repeated by Riku as well, so that they were almost touching. Sora's fingers twitched at his sides.

"And...and you?" he asked softly, nearly choking on the words as his mind called up unbidden images of the two of them, pressed together tightly, holding each other right there in the middle of the crowd. What was he doing, asking a question like that? He was practically _engaged_ for Heaven's sake!

Clearing his throat, Riku stepped backwards and quickly, nervously, surveyed the room, watching for any sign that someone had noticed their interactions. He froze when his eyes landed on a slight red-head, her eyes blinking in confusion at Sora as her hands twisted in the coppery fabric of her dress.

"Sora?" Kairi called anxiously, "I've been looking for you..."

Sora slowly lifted his gaze to his girlfriend, knowing it was useless trying to hide the disappointment he felt at her sudden appearance and possible interruption. "Sorry, Kairi," he said sincerely; he really was sorry, just not for leaving her. He mentally berated himself for realizing this. What in the world did he think he was up to?

"Cloud said he hadn't seen you yet tonight when I asked if you'd extended your congratulations," the young woman, who was suddenly looking more like a little girl with every passing second, continued accusingly. In her mind, no doubt, when she'd suggested that Sora congratulate the couple, he might as well have handed her a written promise to do so.

"I...got distracted," he offered lamely.

"It's my fault, really," Riku stepped in, sliding himself between the couple and taking Kairi's hand apologetically. She nearly recoiled at his touch. "Sora simply stopped to wish me a happy birthday on his way to find Cloud and I'm afraid I got him caught up in a conversation."

"I see. What were you discussing that was so intriguing?" Kairi asked with a little hum, leaning to the right to look past Riku and fix her inquisitive eyes on her boyfriend.

"Engagements," the youngest Higure answered, flashing a knowing smile over his shoulder at Sora before gently leading Kairi by the elbow as he set the three of them up in a small semi-circle carefully placing himself in the middle. "You must be Kairi?"

"Yes," the girl responded shortly, her hand darting out to find Riku's cordially, "Kairi DeNuovanni."

"So I've heard." Riku's response was given with raised brow and eyes that slid down the length of his nose to regard the girl with disdain. If it hadn't been for his previous bitterness towards Kairi's name, Sora would have sworn Riku hated her because of her relationship with him. It was a selfish thought, and the small thrill that came with it almost made Sora feel sick.

"Do you have a problem with something, sir?" Kairi asked snippishly, narrowing her eyes and throwing an upset glance at Sora.

"I've a problem with the way your family has handled it's...business, yes."

"What my family does is of absolutely no concern to you!" The red head was visibly angered now, fists clenched at her side and her face pinkened with restraint. She'd raised her voice a bit as well, which attracted the attention of a few people standing nearby. They watched her curiously for a moment, before finding that the object of her concern was the guest of honor and politely turning back to their hors d'oeuvres and gossip.

"I think that the appalling way the DeNuovanni have treated their 'clients' is an appropriate warrant for my interest in your doings, ma'am," Riku replied calmly, keeping his gaze locked on Kairi and carefully giving no outward indication of his distaste for the girl. Sora, however, could feel it churning in the air around the three of them, hot and heavy and crackling with an unreleased electricity.

"Don't you _dare_ address me like that!" Kairi practically shrieked, clearly picking up on the insulting drawl Riku had added to the title. Whether it had been a reminder of her slowly climbing age – which any woman would surely find offensive – or one of her unmarried state, the 'ma'am' had been intended to bite. The matter did not remain unsolved for long.

"I'm sorry, miss. I've forgotten that you're not quite married yet. Forgive me."

Despite the sincerity Riku had measured out with his response, both Sora and Kairi gasped at the boldness of his insinuations. He'd clearly seen the fraying edges of their relationship, had obviously noticed the terror Kairi felt at this and the near-relief that Sora longed to allow himself to feel, and now he'd made a direct jab at Sora's failure to propose.

Kairi swallowed laboriously, breathing hard. "Sora?" she called, ignoring the man between them and turning pleading, eyes, glistening with tears, towards the brunette. "I think it's time we headed home..." It was more a question than anything else, and Sora was terrified because of this.

At that very moment, it seemed, his entire life hung in balance. On one side he could see a content life with a woman he didn't quite love but who would be endlessly happy with him, and on the other...there was nothing but darkness. At that very moment he stood in the exact center of two paths.

Whatever he did, whatever he said now would shape the rest of his life.


	2. The Hunter and the Wind

Author's Note: Wow. This took me so, so much longer than I had planned on. Arf. Anyway, I promise I'll try to make the next update more speedy. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

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To the Snow 

_Part Two: "The Hunter and the Wind"_

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"Sora?" Kairi asked again, her voice cracking with desperation now that several long moments of silence had passed since she'd asked Sora to leave with her. There were tears welling in her bright amethyst eyes now, and she blinked quickly to keep them from spilling over. A quick, ragged breath and epileptic spiders was all it took.

Sora looked back at Riku, who stood perfectly calm and seemingly untouched by the situation. The brunette sighed. Kairi's tears and Riku's arrogant composure both told him to leave with his girlfriend, to endure the ride home with her, go out tomorrow morning and buy a big shiny ring; but spiders and the sudden hitch of the Higure's breath as he noticed Sora's stare pulled in the opposite direction. Was there nothing that could make this easier for him, or, better yet, make the decision for him altogether?

As Sora dropped his gaze to the floor, his hands fidgeting at his sides, Kairi let out a small, strangled sob. His heart refused to respond, but he did wince at the pathetic sound.

When he made no move to comfort her, she spoke again. "I guess I'll see you at home, then," she whispered as a soft ringlet fell away from her neatly arranged hair. For a long while Sora fixed his gaze on the hem of her gown and waited for its rustle of movement as she turned and left. For almost as long, Kairi attempted to fix her gaze on Sora's face, but he had hidden it from her quite well. Without another sound, the fringe of coppery fabric at the edge of his view spun slowly and then receded.

A tremor passed through his frame as Sora forced himself to stay still. Both the temptation to run after his girlfriend and the temptation to step closer to Riku and defiantly watch her go were nearly overwhelming. He refused to give either of them the pleasure. At the moment he was displeased with both of them; Kairi for the same reasons as always – Riku because his attitude towards her had been, Sora felt, uncalled for. No matter how unsatisfied with her Sora was, and no matter what Riku's intentions or incentives had been, Kairi did not deserve to be treated that way.

Sora suddenly had the idea to go home then – not to Kairi's apartment, but to his own. He hadn't been there in some time, but was sure it would be clean and welcoming. No doubt his mother had sent maids by to keep the place tidy, and keep watch for his return. She was convinced that Sora was going to break things off with Kairi soon, and extremely displeased with the notion. She was probably right on the first account. At least, that was how it seemed now, as Kairi slipped out of view, stubbornly refusing to turn back and give Sora the satisfaction of seeing her cry. Sora was, however, convinced that if he apologized quickly enough, and with enough false sincerity and gifts, she would accept it. The problem was, he wasn't sure if he'd have the energy to do so.

"So..." Riku drawled. Sora heard the fabric of his rather casual suit rustle as he turned towards the brunette, and could almost hear the small, satisfied smile that crossed his face. "It seems that's the end of that, eh?"

"Not quite," the younger man snorted. He thought to reach for another glass of champagne – his fourth for the night – but decided that he would need something stronger and turned to the tender standing behind the gleaming wood of the bar. A bourbon on the rocks, please. Yes, Knob Creek would do fine, thank you.

Beside him, Riku ordered a drink as well, the name of which Sora had never heard before and found just a little shocking. Curiously, he watched the bartender prepare it. A rich golden liquid was poured into a shot glass, filling it about two-thirds, followed by what Sora assumed to be Bailey's. The latter was poured carefully over a spoon and allowed to trickle into the glass, where it sank to the bottom. A quick glance at the first bottle showed it to be a butterscotch schnapps. So _that_ was a Cocksucking Cowboy? With a quirk of his brow and a swig of his Creek, Sora made a mental note to try one some time, and tried desperately not to choke as he thought of the cocktail's name as Riku threw back the shot.

"So what you're saying," Riku continued, pausing to return his glass to the barkeep and nod a thank you, accompanied with a dazzling smile, "is that even though I insulted your girlfriend, and then you chose to stay here with me anyway, she's still got you in her clutches? I'd figured she'd drop you after that."

Sora slowly nodded, savoring a sip of his bourbon and sighing to himself. "You'd think so, but...No, it's not quite that easy with her. I didn't choose to stay with you,_she_ chose to leave without me. She'll convince herself that she made the decision too quickly and that as long as I apologize for not following, she should be ready to forgive me."

"You don't sound too pleased by that."

"I'm not sure that I am."

Shaking his head and laughing almost silently, Riku took a step closer and stared deep into Sora's eyes. When he spoke, his voice was low and soft, alluring as all hell as it sent shivers down the brunette's spine. "Then why haven't you just ended things yet? You deserve to be happy just as much as she does, don't you?"

Again Sora sighed. "It's not that simple," he explained, "I just...don't know anymore. Can we talk about something else now, please?" He rushed the question and then mentally kicked himself for how desperate and whiny he sounded.

Again, Riku laughed. "What would you rather talk about, then?"

"Anything," the brunette answered quickly, not willing to confront the silence that contemplation would bring hot on its heels. It was in vain, however, for at the request, Riku merely shrugged and laughed another short, almost derisive laugh and waited for Sora to start the next conversation.

"Why did you provoke her like that?" Sora decided upon this topic only after a handful of long, anguished moments. He'd wanted to avoid this, to pick some other conversational centerpiece, but he'd also found himself incapable of thinking of anything else. When he spoke his voice was low, strained in a curious mixture of worry and breathless anticipation, and hope. Berating himself, he muttered a curse and turned quickly away from the Higure.

"I've always despised her family, Sora," Riku's tone was almost apologetic. "Most self-respecting artists do. The way they handle things...the millions of dollars they rob away from unsuspecting 'clients'...it's disgusting. I'm sorry if I overstepped some boundary, but I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to, I'd tell the DeNuovannis exactly what I think of their twisted little business."

Feeling ashamed – mostly about his egocentric expectations for Riku's answer – Sora dropped his gaze to the ground. He was slowly becoming familiar with the sight, and it caused him to sigh heavily, careful to let the breath out as silently as possible. Where exactly was his life heading now? Only an hour before he had been on a clearly marked path to an idyllic life with an adoring wife and...and what? But now he was...well, he was still tiptoe-ing along that thin line, wasn't he? On one side, there was that old, familiar but unloved path, and on the other, there was still that strange darkness. It terrified him and enticed him all at once, while the road that lead to Kairi effected him in no way whatsoever.

Another sip of his bourbon sent warm shivers through Sora's body and he almost cringed at the stinging bite of it. He'd never gotten used to it, but it was what he'd originally liked about the drink so he didn't really mind. The thought that the bite reminded him to pay attention to reality occurred, and he laughed to himself, finding the notion pathetic and affecting poetic.

"So," he responded finally, turning back to his companion "you're an artist?"

"I fancy myself a painter," Riku corrected, throwing back another Cocksucking Cowboy. At the same time, Sora finished off his Knob Creek, and felt the warmth of the drink creep up into his cheeks. He was sure he was flushed now, and his head swam as the liquid hit his stomach.

"Got any paintings?" The brunette dropped any last shred of formality, and in exchange over-dictated every syllable, afraid his words might slur, and the result was just as telling, as every consonant came out ridiculously over-exaggerated.

Laughing, the silver-haired man replied, "Nothing worth seeing, really." As he spoke, his eyes wandered across the room, landing on the painting Sora had earlier chosen as a focal point during his stilted conversation with Sephiroth. They flicked away almost immediately and Sora pretended not to have noticed the subconscious indication. His gaze was tempted, several times, to inspect the painting, but he managed to keep himself in check.

"What _do_ you do then?" He asked, immediately berating himself. "I mean, do you have any part in the Higure business, or are you kind of pursuing your own thing?"

"I don't really do much, actually. Seph's PR agent set it up so that I deal with a lot of the public appearances with him, so that the company would have more of a 'down-to-Earth, family feel to it', as she said. They pay me for that, but really, it's all parties and TV appearances. Nothing important, and nothing I really particularly enjoy."

Sora nodded politely, taking no real interest in Riku's words. He'd expected to hear something a little more intriguing.

"Don't get me wrong," the youngest Higure continued with an exasperated sigh, "at first it was nice making a living out of doing nothing. But I'd rather make my own way in the world, really." Riku shrugged. "It sounds weird; millions would kill to be in my position and not have to do any real work, but it's just not...satisfying."

Smiling, the brunette took one last swig of his bourbon, and set the glass aside for the night. He knew exactly how Riku felt.

"So how about you, Sora? What keeps you busy these days?"

"Nothing," he scoffed. "I do absolutely nothing with my life. I graduated college about a year ago, and my parents just want me to take over the family business, but...well, right now I do nothing but..." Sora trailed off. He didn't want to get back on the subject of Kairi right now.

"But what do you _want_ to do?"

As he spoke, Riku took a step towards Sora, bringing them a bit too close to be considered casual. Leaning against the bar, he smiled innocently at the brunette, who cleared his throat and found he was unable to force his legs to move so that he could step backwards. But the silver-haired man was quite a picture at the moment, his own legs stretched out in front of him and his white dress shirt unbuttoned just enough to reveal the dip of his clavicle. His hair was now swept back behind his ears, and his eyes watched Sora intently. The brunette suddenly felt very dizzy, and over-heated.

"I want to get out of here," he murmured, mostly to himself, pressing a hand to his forehead. Riku heard the request, though he wasn't meant to, and pushed away from the bar he'd been leaning on.

"Sounds good," Riku replied, his smile now more of a smirk. Again, Sora felt his head swim, so much so that he had to close his eyes and suppress a tiny groan of despair.

"But this is your birthday party," he practically pleaded, "shouldn't you, you know, stay here? I'll just go home and..."

"And let Kairi and your parents decide what the rest of your life is going to be like?"

Sora froze. Riku's words were undeniably true. If he left now, without really thinking things through, he'd be returning to that predetermined path and the unhappy, discontent, but surface-perfect life he'd been living for years. But if he just stayed a little longer, just let Riku tow him a long for just a bit more...well, the worst that could happen was that he'd walk that tightrope between decisions for a few more hours.

"C'mon," Riku continued, "let's get out of here, then. We'll go get some air." He tossed his head towards the door, smiling brilliantly, and Sora could do nothing but blink dumbly.

Would he stay here and stand stagnant on his thin little line, or would he take a shaking, uncertain step forward, and maybe just see which side he fell to?

"Alright," he murmured, and the Higure's smile softened. They made their way easily through the crowd, despite being the guest of honor and his...his what? In any case, most of the party-goers seemed not to recognize Riku, even though it was indeed his birthday they were there to celebrate. Sora shook his head and sighed. What kind of world was he living in? Somewhere, out there, in reality, someone was celebrating their birthday with only a handful of close friends, a liter of cheap store-brand soda, and a large, greasy pizza. That seemed much more appealing, much more satisfying.

When was the last time Sora had considered someone a close friend?

As they exited the building, Riku and Sora both took in deep breaths of the stale, city air. The brunette felt it sting in his lungs. It was one of many things he'd never gotten used to.

He remembered a time when he was spoiled with fresh, clean suburban air, and grass and trees were everywhere. That was back before his father and Mr. Strife from down the street has pursued their business plans; back when Sora did have a close friend. God, was it really so long ago that he and Cloud had played in back yards, caught salamanders in small streams, laughed and...been truly happy?

"Fuck," he muttered to himself, dragging a hand through his hair.

"Something wrong?" Riku asked, his focus on the sky, his voice a little distant, but still worried.

"I hate this city," Sora answered curtly.

"Then I know exactly where to go," the silver-haired man said with a smirk. He hailed a cab, holding the door open as the brunette slid in before him. The destination was murmured quietly to the driver, and despite a valiant effort, Sora was unable to hear where it was Riku planned to take him.

With a heavy sigh, Sora leaned against the car door, pressing his forehead to the cool, smooth glass of the window. What in the world was he doing? Running off with another man, leaving a girl who'd loved him from years, abandoning a padded, sparkling life that required little to no effort. It was insane; he was insane. Sora groaned, regretting his Knob Creek, as well as the several champagnes.

Hadn't he gone far enough with this? Where was the part where he finally came to senses, turned around and went home to Kairi? It had happened last time...eventually. But, last time hadn't felt quite like this. Last time hadn't weakened his knees with just one look, muddled his thoughts with every spoken word. Then again, last time neither of them had actually wanted that. They'd just let her believe that they did.

Sora hadn't been drunk last time either.

Finally, the cab came to a stop. The brunette released a relieved, heavy breath and practically tumbled out the door. Behind him he heard Riku laugh softly. Pouting, Sora took a moment to pretend to be surveying his surroundings. In reality he was far too agitated to pay attention to anything but Riku's footsteps as he moved closer.

"So?" The Higure asked, his tone indicating that he expected a positive reaction.

"So what?" Sora threw back unthinkingly. It was only after Riku smirked and shook his head, obviously amused, that Sora realized taking out his frustration on Riku would not help in bringing himself back to a reasonable train of thought.

Heaving a sigh he decided to answer truthfully, only to find that the brief, vivid almost-clarity of anger had left him alone with his booze-addled mind, unsatisfied-hormone driven thoughts.

"I think I'm too drunk for this," he murmured. By now he knew better than to try and keep the statement to himself. Riku seemed to have a knack for hearing things Sora had meant to go unheard.

But the silver-haired man's reaction surprised him. A concerned hand was placed gently on Sora's back, and Riku asked – just as softly and just as concerned – if he was alright. Sora had expected another derisive chuckle. Nodding, he shrugged off Riku's hand and took a few steps way, closer to wherever it was the taxi service had dropped them. At first glance it seemed like some sort of park. At second glance, it still looked like a park.

"You said you hated the city," Riku offered, now standing next to Sora again, "so I figured this was the furthest we could get from it for now."

The brunette – to his dismay – was touched by the thought, but the effect was undone by his companion's final two words. What exactly was 'for now' supposed to mean?

Sora scolded himself, clutching his head in his hands. Why did it have to mean anything?

He could feel Riku's stare, watching his pathetic little show of confusion, and his knees trembled. Sora groaned. He had just met the man and already it was painfully obvious that he wanted Riku. Riku had thrown his life into turmoil, without any real effort, or even – so it seemed – any concern about the fact. And yet Sora still wanted him. _Badly_.

Clenching his jaw, Sora started walking hurriedly. He had no destination, unless away could have been considered one. All he knew was that he had to get away; from Riku, from thoughts of Riku, from his own imagination's relentless attacks.

He could not tell if the real Riku was following, because he was too busy trying to evade the fictitious Riku. But his arms found Sora's waist, his lips found Sora's neck, and his broad chest found Sora's back. They were pressed together, so close, and Riku's fingers were walking tantalizing paths up Sora's abdomen...

And then the real Riku spoke.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he was standing some distance behind the other man, watching him worriedly, his long hands hidden deep in the pockets of his slacks. Sora did not answer. He just plopped onto the ground, slumping backwards to lay in the cool, lush summer grass. Surprisingly, calm was found only a few deep breaths away.

"Sora?" Riku sounded more concerned than before as he sat down next to the brunette.

"Yeah," Sora answered quickly, "I'm fine. Sorry. I'm...alright. I think." Again he was surprised by the absence of Riku's chuckle.

"So tell me," the other returned without missing a beat, "aside from getting out of this city, what is it that you want?"

While Sora was not nearly as drunk as he had been only a minute earlier, he was still tipsy enough so that it took some effort to refrain from answering with a simple and misguided 'you'. But, _God_, did he want Riku. He wanted to hold him, kiss him, sleep with him...

"I want to be a doctor," he replied quickly, covering his flushed face with the back of one hand. "A pediatrician. I want to go to medical school. I want to help people."

When he was done, Sora felt much better. He'd never admitted that before. _God_, how pathetic was that?

"What about you?" he asked, eager to take the focus off of himself. "What do you want, Riku?"

Sora could sense Riku's body tense up. For a long while he stayed silent, until he finally laid down, supporting his weight with his elbow so that he was facing Sora.

"I don't know," he admitted, laughing at himself. "I've never really thought about that. I mean, I've lived comfortably all my life, freely. No one's ever asked me that, and no one's ever made me do anything, so I don't think it ever occurred to me to want something."

Sora's heart was pierced with jealousy, and he tried not to sound bitter as he encouraged Riku to think about it now. He was almost sober, so it wasn't too hard.

Despite his previous claim of not knowing, Riku's answer was almost immediate.

"I want to paint. I guess I've always known that, but what I really want is to paint and know that someone really likes my work. Genuinely likes it, I mean, not like they think buying my painting will make Sephiroth more inclined to go into business with them. I..." he trailed off, and Sora watched as his expression faded and his bright eyes became very distant. "And I want someone to know who I am. Not know my name, or recognize me, or any of that bullshit. I want someone to know what really makes up who I am."

At that moment, doubt dissolved, and Sora decided. He would go to medical school, and he would be a pediatrician. There would be no more waiting for someone else's permission. Forget about Aikagi Enterprises. Someone else could take care of that, because Sora was going to be a doctor.

"God, that all must sound so cheesy," Riku laughed, sitting back up. Sora followed suit and smiled, shaking his head.

"Not at all," he said. For the next few moments he did nothing but watch as Riku displayed a truly sincere smile, his eyes sparkling. It was the Higure who finally broke away from the stare, clearing his throat and curtaining his face with his hair.

"What about Kairi?" he asked, a question which wiped off Sora's smile and instantly finished off any lingering effects of the champagne and Knob Creek.

"I...that is a very confusing subject," he answered.

"Explain it," Riku's words did not have the tone of a demand, but Sora interpreted them as such anyway. And he had no problem with complying.

"I can't tell if I love her. Sometimes I think it might, but there's _always _this one part of me that doesn't. But...I can't leave her because I don't think I can find someone else. I mean, what if that's really all there is? What if you just _can't_ love someone with your entire being?"

"Are you happy with her?" the other man interrupted. "Does she make you happy? And I don't mean just every so often, or even most of the time, but _all_ the time. Constantly. Even when she'd not there."

"No."

"Then I don't think it's love, Sora. Love will never hold you back from happiness. Sure, no matter how much you love someone, or how much they love you, you'll have your share of problems. But in the background there will _always_ be that happiness you feel just because they're alive."

Blinking, Sora looked up at Riku quizzically. The other man stared back, completely serious and utterly unrelenting with his darkened, probing eyes.

"You're right," Sora admitted softly, sliding closer to Riku. The letter reached out hesitantly, and when Sora made no move to object, placed a hand on the brunette's thigh. Sora's own hand fit perfectly over Riku's, and just as perfectly when curled at the crook of Riku's neck.

"You're not still drunk, are you?" Riku asked, voice soft and low and breathless.

"No. Not anymore."

"Good."

His arms found their way around Sora's waist, pulling him closer so that the younger man was forced to kneel rather than sit, his knees dragging his expensive pants across the grass until they collided with Riku's. Sora drew in a deep breath just before their lips met. He was trembling, his hands loosening their grip on Riku as he suppressed a satisfied moan. It felt like ages since he'd kissed someone. He knew it had been almost six years since he'd kissed another man, but for the life of him could not recall the las time he'd kissed Kairi.

And he definitely couldn't remember the last time a kiss had felt like this.

A small laugh escaped through Riku's nose when Sora's lips slid against his own as the brunette smiled. He'd forgotten how much more comforting it was to hold than to be held.

Kairi's face – tear-streaked and wide eyed – leaped instantly into his mind's eye, and Sora struggled to dismiss her. It had been an easy task only a moment ago, but he found it difficult to do now.

As if sensing his uneasiness, Riku groaned into their kiss, a desperate, throaty sound, and hugged Sora closer to him; his grip on the younger man was almost possessive and the brunette was forced to scramble forward so that he was draped across Riku's lap. He moved his hands into Riku's thick hair, fingers tangling in the locks as the Higure's own digits wandered across the hem of Sora's shirt.

Slowly, he parted his lips, breathing out against Sora's mouth, his hot breath tracing ghost kisses along the brunette's lips until he smiled, opening his mouth just enough for Riku's tongue to slip inside. Sora released a soft moan as it brushed his own, and pushed back, pressing his body flush against the other man's and doubting that he would ever get enough of this delicious contact.

Riku's hands finally found their way under Sora's shirt, sliding adoringly across the smooth skin of his sides. Sora shivered and deepened the kiss, suddenly starving and wildly wanting. Immediately, Riku pushed back, more desperate and ravenous than the younger man, sending him falling backwards. Their legs interlocked and bodies writhed in a desperate attempt to meld together.

The silver-haired one pulled away for a quick breath, and somehow amethyst eyes and auburn hair and wringing hands found their way into that minuscule opening.

"Oh God," Sora groaned as a wave of nauseating guilt washed over him.

"Yeah, Riku agreed in a sacred whisper, smiling as he leaned in for another kiss.

"I shouldn't be here."

The brunette's words almost didn't stop Riku, and Sora was disappointed that they had. One more kiss, one more moment of that divinity, and he would have forgotten about her all over again, and perhaps forever that time. But now...

"Please don't do this, Sora."

"I can't, Riku. Kairi -"

"You don't love her," Riku groaned, his lips finding a home at the corner of Sora's jaw.

"I don't even know you."

"You already know me better than anyone else ever has."

"Riku, I -"

"I _need_ you, Sora."

The brunette blinked back tears, gently pushing Riku away and rolling out from underneath him. "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

Sora sighed and stood. He began walking away, pausing only when Riku called out his name for a third time. Steeling himself against the desire to turn back and just melt into the older man's arms, he stepped forward and continued to walk away.

He'd made his decisions. He would not sacrifice his own happiness for his father's expectations. He would not sacrifice it for Kairi's sake. But neither would he destroy her in the process of finding his peace. If it happened like this, he would shatter her. If he just explained his confusion, made her realize that she deserved someone who would truly love her, who would not torture her like he had, then she would survive.

Riku's path would lead to the ruin of everything, and Kairi's wouldn't change a single thing. So Sora would make his own. In time, maybe the other two would come to understand.


	3. Breath on the Window

Author's Note: Wow...so I was re-reading what I had written as I was preparing to write this chapter, and realized that despite my promise to decrease the time between updates, it's been over a year since I have updated this fic...I apologize so, so deeply. I'm truly sorry to all of you, and especially HeartBr0ken. Anyway, I'm back in the saddle now, and ready to ride this baby off into the sunset. So here it is; the second to last chapter of "To The Snow". I hope you enjoy, and I promise, promise, _promise_ that I will finish this before the new year.

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback, and more importantly, for your patience. I love you all.

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To the Snow

"_Breath on the Window"_

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He'd decided to take the subway home, rather than a cab; he wanted some time to think, to prepare the speech he would give Kairi the next morning when he finally left her. But somewhere between the park and his apartment – the near abandoned apartment, not Kairi's – Sora had also decided that he would not leave her so quickly. She deserved more. He'd sleep on it, on his newfound sense of self and determination. If, in the morning, he still doubted his feelings for her, then he would talk to her and break things off. He fully expected to wake up and find that his mind was still set on leaving, but he figured that she at least had earned some sort of second chance.

What Sora had not expected, was to open the door to the apartment he had not been to in months and find the girl waiting for him. Kairi was still in her copper gown, her hair slightly mussed, her eyes red and complexion blotched as she sat on a long couch in the living room, gazing across into the kitchen, focus trained on the door as her near-fiancé arrived. He blinked at her for a while, weighing his options, and clearing his throat. After a moment, it appeared that he had decided to ignore her as he removed his blazer and tossed it uncaringly onto a nearby armchair.

"I was hoping I wouldn't find you here," she whispered, her voice worn with tears.

Sora didn't need to say anything. His question was implied; Why had she come to his apartment, then?

Kairi sighed. The sound was accompanied by a rustle of fabric as she adjusted the fold of her dress, preparing to leave the couch. "I was hoping, but I knew I would anyway," she answered.

"I didn't know you had a key," was the only thing her boyfriend could think to reply with. For a long while, they were both silent. She was unsure of how to respond to the comment; she couldn't decide whether or not to point out that he had given her the key.

"Of course I have a key," she at last murmured, sullenly. "Why didn't you come home?"

Something lodged itself in Sora's throat as he searched for an appropriate answer to Kairi's question. He wanted to tell her that this apartment – his apartment – was home, that hers wasn't. But that would have tasted too much like a lie. He wasn't really sure where he considered home at the moment. More than anything in the world though, he wanted to be honest with her right now, in their last moments as...as whatever it was they were.

Which would make it very difficult not to hurt her.

"You slept with him, didn't you?" she snapped, her voice cracking with the force of the sob that had wrenched itself into the middle of her question. Suddenly, and intensely, anger flared in the pit of Sora's stomach as he whirled around to face the red-head, his jaw clenched and breath hot.

"Do you really I think I would do that to you Kairi?"

"You did last time didn't you?" The question was rhetorical, but Sora answered it anyway.

"I didn't, actually." Twisting his lips to one side he shrugged, nonchalantly, and watched his girlfriend as she grew even more furious with him. He didn't need to say it so matter-of-factly, to let her know that he didn't quite care about the fact that she'd suspected him of cheating for nearly three years, but he was trying to make things easier for her. Maybe if he acted like an ass, later, after he left her, she'd feel less like she'd lost him and more like...well, more like she was better off for not having him anymore.

"What are you implying?" she whispered. Hissed was probably more accurate. "Are you...are you trying to tell me that for all these years you _let_ me think that you'd slept with Roxas? That, that you just sat there knowing I thought that, knowing that it was _killing_ me, and did nothing to correct me, to console me?"

The brunette cleared his throat and looked away from her, that scorn melting into a more bitter taste. "Well when you put it that way..."

"So that's a yes?"

"...yes."

"So you didn't sleep with Roxas?"

"No, I didn't."

"Did you want to?"

"No."

"Did he want to sleep with you?"

"No. Neither of us wanted that."

Kairi sighed heavily and rose to her feet. "You knew I thought that the two of you..."

"I know." Sora fell silent, his head drooping forward and his resolve waning suddenly. He didn't want to hurt her, but neither did he want to lie to her anymore. "We kind of wanted you to."

Immediately, the girl fell back into her seat in a staggering sort of motion, her eyes popping wide open and her chest collapsing as every ounce of air in her lungs burst into nothingness. He watched her, ashamed of himself, and waited silently for her response. There was nothing he could say to make this better. The best he could do was keep his mouth shut and let her tear him apart as she wished, once she was ready. He owed her that much.

"Why?" she asked eventually, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes.

Blinking, Sora shrugged. He knew she couldn't see him, was perhaps refusing to look at him, but he also knew that his silence would tell her enough. He didn't know why he and Roxas had purposefully acted like they were sleeping with each other, with the intention of her believing so. At the time, it had seemed like fun, and the idea had filled Sora with a sort of rebellious pride. Now, it just seemed...stupid. Malicious.

"I don't know which is worse." As she spoke, Kairi lifted her head slowly, her eyes burned and jaw clenched as she breathed out through her nose heavily. Sora imagined her breath was hot and moist with anger, and he couldn't blame her. He waited for her to explain what the two options were, but knew she wouldn't. It wasn't necessary.

"Kairi, listen," he started, but stopped as soon as he ventured another glance at her. Her face was bright red and tears were slipping swiftly down her cheeks.

"Don't. Don't you even _dare_ apologize to me, Sora. There is nothing you could _ever_ say that can make this better."

"Kairi," he tried again, and again she stalled his apology with her indignation.

"No."

"Please just-"

"_Shut up!"_ she shrieked, raking her nails through her hair with a wild look in her eyes. "Don't talk. Don't say anything. Just don't...I can't...you...you _bastard_. How could you? How could you do this to me? You let me think that you cheated on me, and what's worse was that I'd _forgiven_ you for it. I told myself it was all _my _fault; that I had driven you into his arms. And I convinced myself that you didn't admit it because you actually loved me. So I forgave you. But I never, _never_ forgave myself."

His mouth hung open as he watched her fight against a sob. Her body shook with the effort, and all he could do was stare at her, his heart empty and every inch of his body heavy with guilt. For a while, he debated what to do, and decided upon stepping forward to hold her, or attempt to comfort her. As soon as he made to move towards her, a fierce sob tore through her frame, her shoulders shuddering violently as her voice cracked with emotion and her crying turned into hysterical weeping.

"Stay away," she managed to grind out between sobs, her voice hoarse and high.

"Kairi," Sora whispered. He felt horrible. He couldn't remember a time when he'd felt so awful, so low and inhuman. Kairi was right to be so upset. Beyond right. He would have been terrified of anyone who wasn't upset in this situation. There would have to be something terribly fucked up in them. In reality, there was probably something terribly fucked up in him for having put her through this.

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" she hissed, her voice still loaded with hatred, but also weighed down with sorrow now.

Her most-likely-now-ex-boyfriend nodded and took a step backward as her weeping quieted, the full force of her anger slowly dissipating. She slid off the couch with a final sob, slumping on the floor with her head cradled in her arms, auburn hair pooling on her shoulders and tear-drops staining the neckline of her dress.

For a long while she was silent, and he watched her carefully. With every passing moment he was becoming more and more convinced that she would fall apart, burst into a cloud of dust and just float away from him. He listened to every sniffle, focused on each shining tear that hung from her lashes until her fingers swatted them away. Not once during this time did she look at him.

"Tell me the truth now, Sora," she whispered, raising a hand to her mouth to chew on her fingernails. "If I mean anything to you, anything at all, you will do this for me."

The brunette nodded, his eyes still trained on her every movement. She swallowed hard before continuing.

"Were you going to do this again? With Riku?"

When Sora sighed, this time it was with relief. He was afraid her question would be one whose answer would hurt her even more. "No, I wasn't."

"And you didn't sleep with him, either?"

"No, I didn't."

"But you wanted to?"

"...Yes. I did."

She nodded, reaching out to hug her knees to her chest. "But you came back to me. Why?"

Sora shrugged.

"You don't love me, do you?"

He licked his lips nervously and ran a hand through his hair. "I...I don't know how to answer that question, Kai. It's complicated."

Again, Kairi nodded. "Right," she mumbled, "that's what I thought." He pretended not have heard her, knowing that her words were not meant for him anyway. "I can't forgive you for this."

Sora sighed, feeling pathetic. "You shouldn't," he said. She seemed surprised that he agreed, but still remained as she was, biting her nails and looking away from him. He cringed as he watched her grind her teeth together and drop her hands back to her sides. As she stood, slowly, he watched her nails cut small crescents into her palms. Finally, she turned towards him, disgust burning in her amethyst eyes as they captured his own.

"Do one favor for me, Sora. You owe me that much, at the very, _very_ least," she said. Sora was sure that there would be no arguing this point, even if he had wanted to.

"Of course, Kai."

"Stop calling me that." It was a demand, but he knew it was not the favor she was asking of him. "And don't leave me. I know you were planning to. I've seen it coming. But now, don't you dare leave me. You have no right to do that to me. _I _am the one who will leave, when I'm good and ready to."

Sora couldn't figure out what Kairi's intentions were, but he nodded anyway. He had to agree to this. She was right. It really was the very least he could do for her. But what exactly was she trying to do? Did she still have feelings for him, despite that hideous thing he had done to her? Maybe she was going to wait, sort these out, and decide whether or not to go. Or was she merely trying to punish him by forcing him to stay with her, to be in daily contact with her hatred and his own searing guilt?

Before he could make a decision, the door behind him boomed and shook with the force of someone's knocking, and he heard a voice – Riku's voice – call to him through the thick wood. Immediately, Kairi's eyes widened as she fumed at her still-boyfriend. She mouthed a single word – 'don't' – and so Sora remained silent, even as the knocking and calling continued.

"Sora, please!" Riku's voice begged, the knocking finally ceasing. He was silent for a few moments, as were both Kairi and Sora. Finally, the youngest Higure spoke again. "It has nothing to do with me, I promise. It's Cloud..."

At the mention of his friend, and business partner's name, Sora ignored all of Kairi's silent warnings and pleadings and flung the door open. "What happened?"

"There's a business emergency. He called me and asked me to find you. He wouldn't tell me anything else." Riku explained, his eyes not bothering to travel past the set of songbird eyes in front of him even once.

From inside the apartment, Kairi glared. Sora heard her release a small, frustrated sob. The brunette turned to her, pleading with her to let him go. She took a long moment to consider, before gathering her voice and aiming her words at Riku.

"Where will you be taking him?" she asked coldly, her voice surprisingly even.

"To Seph's apartment. He and Cloud are there, trying to sort things out. I promise."

Kairi scoffed, but nodded. Clearly her concern for her close friend's future husband had outweighed the real issue at hand. She didn't need to trust Riku for long. Sephiroth lived in an apartment building only a block away.

Sora swallowed, hard, and walked back to the red-headed girl, who still looked so pale and fragile. She recoiled when he leaned forward to offer a kiss, but he whispered his thanks anyway.

She sniffed, and wiped away a lingering tear. "You'll come back to me," she said. It was neither a question nor a demand. It was simply a fact she happened to be stating. She had that much power over him now, and he could not begrudge her it.

And so he nodded, then disappeared, stepping out into the dark city.


End file.
